As a whole person, I have many interests, joys, and difficulties in life. The one thing that makes everything easier is my spiritual practice—witchcraft.
About twenty years ago, I began practicing witchcraft and eventually joined a Cabbalistic coven, where I remained for several years. I mostly practiced as a solitary even though I joined in rituals with my coven as often as I could.
Then I got sucked into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. That lasted for seven years, ending at the beginning of 2016.
Then, in late summer of 2023, the spirituality of nature called me again. I've always felt connected to the Divine in nature, never in a church. So, I began to explore witchcraft again, this time with far more information available and easily accessible.
Life is difficult as I deal with a new disability that limits my physical functionality—within two weeks I went from hiking in the woods for Mabon to spending three weeks in a hospital and rehabilitation facility because I couldn't walk. I am dependent on a walker and wheelchair to get around. Even so, some days I am almost completely—or even totally—unable to get out of bed.
My new diagnosis of functional neurological disorder (conversion disorder) is a mysterious one with such a wide variety of symptoms that it becomes nearly unpredictable. We now realize that I've been showing signs since the mid-1980s and finally got my diagnosis in early 2024. More than thirty years of doctors accusing me of wanting attention or pain medications I don't need, telling me it's just anxiety or that there's nothing wrong with me at all, doctors shrugging their shoulders and saying the tests say I'm fine so there's nothing to treat. Constant dismissal for scary situations that were really happening but had no explanation is a disheartening medical existence.
But now I know what it is, and now I know how to treat it.
This, in addition to my history of trauma and resulting PTSD, bipolar disorder, and new ADHD diagnosis, led me to start therapy. Trauma work is rough, and when the deities I work with also told me it was time for shadow work, all of it melded into one, becoming a difficult path.
But with the guidance of the deities I work with—Cernunnos, Cerridwen, Kali, and Ganesha along with my guide—I can stay on the right path and follow where the Divine leads me.
As I struggle with my diagnoses, my spirituality and the way it has transformed my life to one of intention and focus on betterment has provided strength and purpose. My husband is enthusiastically supportive, and when I ask if he wants to accept a spell I want to do for us, he's always up for it.
Through Divine advice and guidance, I am also exploring who I truly am. With a parent who in retrospect due to no contact seems to exist in a Dark Tetrad personality, I was stuffed into a box and told that this was what I needed to do for approval, which I never got so I stuffed myself into tighter and tighter boxes. The Mormon church then created its own box for me, and I melded all of it together. Now, as a woman in my forties, I realized I had no idea who I actually was.
Bursting from those boxes, ripping them apart and saying good riddance with a whole lot of profanity, has felt incredible, though somewhat confusing. Do I actually like this thing, or is it something I think I should like? Constant self-doubt in a completely different way than before. But exploring my true self has been a joy.
Cerridwen and Kali are goddesses of transformation, and they have been helping me on this path. Kali specifically, as the Divine Mother in the Hindu faith, guides women on a journey of transformation and self-improvement to accept and take into themselves the reality of their Divine Femininity. Ganesha is a Hindu god of wisdom and guidance, and this helps as I struggle to find the right path.
The spiritual side of my current journey has involved a lot of kitchen and cottage witchcraft centered around the lunar cycle. I adore the night sky and the moon, and I feel much more connected to the Moon than the changing seasons observed in the eight Sabbats. So, I decided to focus on the lunar cycle and observe Samhain and Yule. The latter is the pagan version of my favorite holiday—I cannot get enough of the Christmas decorations, which are delightfully pagan in origin. I love them so much. But I am also clairvoyant, so observing Samhain seems important. Also, it's my second favorite holiday, especially in terms of seasonal decorations.
I also have enjoyed diving into a growing collection of Oracle decks that I use on a near-daily basis: Moonology, Kali Oracle, and Whispers of Ganesha.
Other parts of my daily life include exercising my intensely creative mind. I am a writer, hoping to eventually publish, a knitter and crocheter, a cross-stitcher, an amateur nature photographer, and a baker. I also voraciously absorb books in all forms—traditionally printed books, ebooks, audiobooks, and recently diving into online serial novels in podcast format.
My hobbies bring me peace and a spark of joy in a life filled with hardship.
In following this blog, you can expect book reviews, creative projects, photography, interesting things I find on the internet, spells, rituals, mental health discussions, and my thoughts on my journey through shadow work, trauma therapy, self-discovery, embracing witchcraft again, and my creative writing.
This is intended to be a blog focused on a whole person who happens to be a witch, disabled, and has mental health struggles. None of these things are my entire existence, though they impact every single day of my life, whether positive or negative.
I hope you enjoy my journey enough to come along with me.
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